


Letter

by Tormented_Gale



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Gen, Unspoken words, unsent letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 19:31:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4449413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tormented_Gale/pseuds/Tormented_Gale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a letter never sent, a letter never fully writ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letter

The name has been crossed out, tearing the paper and leaving deep gouge marks in the desk below. Portions of the letter are much like this, though they perhaps were done more artfully, leaving behind a message that requires only a little bit of reading and a lot of interpretation.

But he knows. He’ll understand. He always did, always does.

_It’s not a choice I can make._

_I don’t have the luxury of ‘choice’. It’s as much a falsity as my own existence. It’s a joke or a dangling thread, one I can’t laugh at and one I can’t reach. Trust me - I’ve tried. With you there, I tried so damn hard to reach it, and always it was yanked away._

_Not by you. Never by you. You always gave me a choice, even when I made the wrong one. You always said ‘go ahead’ and watched as whatever I chose destroyed me or someone else. And when I came back, with my shoulders fallen and my body shaking, you would put a hand on my shoulder and smile and say ‘At least you know now.’ At least I learned something._

_That was the whole point, wasn’t it. Learning. Absorbing. So I could be nothing but a repository of information, a dictionary, a reference. I know languages, I know truths, I know facts and equations and strategy. It was everything else that I was never taught that escaped me. Still escapes me._

_Maybe that’s why I wrote this. It’s pointless - you’ll never actually see it - but it almost feels appropriate as I prepare. I’m writing one word after the other, but none of it seems to say exactly what I want to. I don’t even know if I know what I want to say. I might just be rambling at this point. You’d say it wasn’t like me._

_I don’t even know what that means. I’m not ‘like’ me. I’m what you made me into. I’m a creature born of nothing and given nothing, and that’s suited me fine until now. Until the moment that the one thing I had gained - my choice - was taken too. Until you dragged me back to this godforsaken filth called Auldrant._

The message has been viscously torn to shreds for several lines and is completely illegible.

_\- ut it doesn’t matter because I can’t want, right? You gave me everything and demanded everything in return, and it worked for awhile, but now? What are you now? You’ve descended into complete madness and can’t even tell who it is you see anymore when you look in the mirror._

_The funny thing is that’s the story of my life. When I look in the mirror I’m always surprised to see a reflection when there should be nothing but dust and fonons where I stand. When you look - do you see that glowing in your eyes, the shaking, drawn features of a man on the brink of his own destruction? Or do you see the glory you’re so desperately seeking and drawn to, the breath before the explosion, the victory of your own demise?_

_I wonder if -_

More scratching out, but it is softer, and done with a pen instead of a knife.

_\- if I remember._

_I don’t expect to live through this. If given a choice, I won’t. I’ll throw everything I have left at them and if it isn’t enough, well - I told you so, didn’t I? You never did listen to any of us, only gave the orders. Your hearing must be terrible for you to miss all the screaming directed at you._

_Will you do me a favor? Just the one. I’ve never asked for anything from you, so I think you can do this one thing. Destroy everything. Destroy this world, Lorelei, them, everyone and everything. Leave it in peace and pieces. Don’t bother with replicas or anything else - yes, I know about that part of the plan too._

_I’m so tired. But I can’t stop thinking about their destruction._

_Is it a choice if I stand up and fight them and it’s what you want?_

The rest of the letter is completely illegible, black ink stained across the page in thick slashes. 


End file.
